I possess the skills that I need to possess for the most part. I think that I have great potential to be a wonderful artist. My biggest inhibition is my lack of self motivation. I think that’s its held me back to some capacity. I think I need to learn how to develop the set of skills to do what I need to do whether or not I “feel” like it at the time. Trudge through times I don’t “feel” like results are immediate, etc.  

I wake up in the morning for the following:

  • My God
  • My spirit
  • My soul
  • My mom
  • My dad
  • Joel
  • Jessalyn
  • Justice
  • Sammy
  • Samuel French
  • Alice & Jerry
  • Meme & Bumpa
  • Art
  • Theater
  • Acting
  • Story telling
  • Books
  • Fresh air
  • Hugs
  • Kisses
  • Delicious food
  • Deep conversations
  • Silly conversations
  • Meaningful looks
  • Friendships
  • To love
  • To be loved
  • Sunrises
  • Sunsets
  • Fresh rain
  • Learning
  • Running
  • Playing
  • Laughing
  • Crying
  • Living

I am motivated by life. It’s impossible to look around at the beauty life contains and not feel inspired. I feel like that’s such a trivial answer, but in all honesty I would feel silly saying I was inspired by anything else, or motivated by anything else. The carnal things don’t last, why would they move me to create art? When I feel most creative and ready to work is when I’ve had stimulating conversation, or was blown away by something beautiful. My mind is a playground, and it’s because I’ve opened myself up to receive life. I look at a space, and not only see a room but my mind takes me to thoughts about where the room might have been, or what it could be. Colors effect me deeply. Lines can draw an emotional charge. I’m sensitive to sound. Visual art, Music, Theater, and art in general has the capacity in every form to bring me to tears, or feel overwhelmingly joyed. I am motivated to be the best I can be. And I don’t mean that in just my art. I believe that if you live life to the fullest, and take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way, success is on the verge. When I was younger I let myself believe for a little while that validation came from others, but as life beat me up a little, I came to realize your motivation must come from within. You must be self motivating. A very wise woman in my life has been telling me this for quite sometime, and when I finally decided to believe it, and live by it, life became a whole new blank canvas that sat at my feet ready to be brought to life.

“Your body is free but your heart is in prison. To release your heart, you simply reverse the process which locked it up. First you begin to listen for messages from your heart—messages you may have been ignoring since childhood. Next you must take the daring, risky step of expressing your heart in the outside world. . . . As you learn to live by heart, every choice you make will become another way of telling your story. . . . It is the way you were meant to exist. If you stop to listen, you’ll realize that your heart has been telling you so all along.”
Martha Beck, “Finding Your Own North Star”

Why I work. I don’t work because I have a choice. I truly and whole heartedly believe it is something that lives within me. I have an artistic craving that must be satisfied or I feel incomplete. It’s an insatiable force that drives me to learn, and grow. I value art. I value pieces of human life breathed into existence on a screen or on a stage. I value the existence of art. When I step back and look at myself as an artist, those are the things I value most. That being said, I have set many goals for myself in the future. I want to be able to be a successful artist, not a starving one. Though I am okay with being a struggling artist at least for a few years. But eventually I really want to make it into film, and onto a stage that puts on phenomenal pieces of work (wherever that may be). As an artist I have learned and am learning to except failure and be okay with failure, at least within this learning institution. I found myself when I was younger constantly looking for approval of those around me. I’ve grown to learn to be self motivating in a lot of aspects, and to reassure myself, because you won’t always get the reassurance you’re looking for in this competitive business. I’ve also learned through my own experiences how important it is to build up the fellow artists around you. Because art is so intimate and emotional, that people can find themselves lost in the rejection. I’ve learned that if you want to receive, you must first give it away. And that is a wonderful philosophy for life in general. It all evens out in the end has been my constant saying. And that incorporates itself into my art as well. It isn’t all about “me, me, me” it’s about things much bigger than the individual. And that is what I value most. An ensemble. A beautiful ensemble of artists. I want to be the best artist I can possibly be, and I never want to stop learning. If I continue on the path I’m on, and strive to be my very best without disregarding my values, I believe I have no choice but to be successful. If I can continually make art, beautiful art, fun art, creative art, new art, experimental art, collaborative art, crazy art- There isn’t a chance in hell I won’t feel success. 

My work habits. I’d like to say that I have wonderful work habits, but unfortunately that isn’t always the case. I will say that I have great work habits for the things I’m passionate for, and the things that interest me. If I’m assigned pages to read about the ancient rhetoricians, feminism, and memorizing a scene for acting class- I am all down. Work like that monopolizes my priorities, and it will be done and overdone. On the other hand, I cannot pride myself in my work habits for work such as- math and science. I wish I had an aptitude to love such things, but unfortunately, I do not. When handed work like that I tend to doze off, or get easily distracted. I work best in the evenings. But some really inspired work of mine comes from the middle of the night. My mornings tend to be groggy, since I am not one for a cheery sunrise. But if I force myself awake a good deal before it’s necessary, and go to the gym, eat some breakfast, and have a cup of coffee, I usually feel very motivated and ready to work. In fact, that is a habit I would like to force myself into a little bit more than I do now. It sounds like a healthier lifestyle full of healthy benefits, as well as developing even better work habits. Being a night owl isn’t always the best for working situations (unless you’re in theater, rehearsing until 1,2,3 in the A.M.). Sometimes when working on tedious work I reward myself with snacks, a tv show, or even just a conversation with someone when I’m finished. Sometimes the reward system helps rejuvenate and revitalize, but it also sometimes makes work seem much longer while focusing on the end goal of finishing and not the process. All in all, I think my work habits are slightly above average, I would like for them to be excellent, and it is most certainly a goal I’m working towards.

As a child we moved around a lot. Most people ask if it was for a parents job, or something of that sort, but it was not. It was the unfortunate byproduct of having a fickle mother and an unstable lifestyle. I have a lot to my history, but I don’t know if this is the place to write it, or now is the time to tell it. I say that in regard to the people who may stumble upon this page, but I also say that for myself. I am not quite sure I am ready to share with the people around me my history. I find questions like these very hard to answer. Who I am as a person, as well as who I am as an artist has been shaped by my past, unfortunately it isn’t all a happy story to tell. So, I have sat and pondered over this question for quite some time. My fingers have typed, but mostly backspaced, and I feel somewhat at a loss. My history is important, and I hope that sometime I have the guts to truly share it all, but not today, not at this very moment. For now, I will give a skeleton, because that is all I have in me to tell. I’ve been interested in the arts since I was young. My parents never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want to do, and simply guided towards the things I was interested in. I was a part of a few community theater productions as a little girl, and decided that this is what I wanted to do. Between the ages of 5-13 theater was off and on. I was home schooled for most of my childhood so I didn’t have school plays to be a part of, or a drama class, but I did get involved in anything I had the chance to. The arts instilled in me values, thoughts, and skills that are truly invaluable whether or not I had chosen to go into the arts as a profession. My eighth grade year I had the opportunity to attend an arts middle school and eventually moved on to an arts high school for performance theater. I met people, and had experiences that set the path that eventually has led me here to Southern Methodist University for my BFA in acting. I am incredibly passionate about theater. The beauty within the pages of a script, the beauty of a beings story, the beauty in the capability to tell a story, to impact society, to provide empathy, sympathy, longing, sadness, pain, joy, and so much more absolutely invigorates me. For me, I am not in this profession for the fame, fortune, or money (because chances are if you are in this business for that, get out while you can, you’re in for disappointment), I am doing it because it lives inside of me. I couldn’t shake this calling for the life of me. Everything in my past has led up to my present and is preparing me for my future, this crazy thing  called life- met full on with this crazy thing called art. 

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